A little internal boost

Aside from my attempt to do this upcoming triathlon, I have a pretty sedate lifestyle. I'm in front of my computer about 10 hours a day... (and i wish i could say it was all because of my job! - i just get easily distracted.) Anyway, tonight i was not prepared in any way, shape or form for what Joel at Breakaway Performance put us through. Tonight was exceptionally strenuous, mentally and physically challenging. I really felt like I was on the verge of not being able to continue. I think Joel noticed too because he had to give me a pep talk about 1/2 way through. I'm not proud.

Anyway, the training is going alright. Not perfect by a long shot. It amazes me that some of my peers, like Robin, have so much energy and passion to work so hard every single day. For some reason, I struggle to motivate when I'm not surrounded by my peers at the club or doing some group activity. I get really wrapped up either in work or get easily distracted to participate in other activities. I'm not really sure if that goes away, or if I'll start to grow into the sport and become more mature and responsible about how i use my time.

Tonight kicked my ass. And when I endure that kind of mental and physical challenge, the thoughts that race through my head are - "Why was I not more prepared for this? Why didn't i make wiser food choices prior to this workout? Why haven't I been pushing myself harder so this would be less difficult?"

Like I told Joel yesterday, the most difficult part of training for me has been the mental component. I've also learned that I'm very much externally inspired and motivated, but my intrinsic and internal motivation is inconsistent. I know feeling guilty about that serves no purpose, but i feel like i'm waiting for a miracle to give me a little internal boost.

I threw away the cookies.

So I think I had about 9 cookies on Monday, 6 cookies on Tuesday, and I definitely ate 4 cookies today... and it's only 10:58am.

I had to throw them away. It's my greatest weakness in my training. It's the sugar. I can't fight it... I mean, i suppose I can, but I just keep losing. Unless it's completely removed from my house, guaranteed, I will eat as close to my body weight in high-sugar content foods as is humanly possible.

After ditching the peanut butter cookies, I chose an orange. That was more filling anyway - and I don't want another one.... much unlike my experience with those damn cookies.

On a less gluttonous note, there's less than 7 weeks to Wildflower. While my biking is strong (considering my first outdoor ride on a roadbike was February of '08!), I'm actually still in the Base Training stage of both my running and swimming. Not ideal, but I'm doing the best I can to juggle work, my personal life, and also prepare for an olympic distance triathlon. Considering this is my first of this distance, I think i'm doing fair to alright. Plus our head coach, Joel Ramirez, is back from his honeymoon, so i'm sure he's gearing up to bust some skulls getting us ready for the big event.