A little internal boost

Aside from my attempt to do this upcoming triathlon, I have a pretty sedate lifestyle. I'm in front of my computer about 10 hours a day... (and i wish i could say it was all because of my job! - i just get easily distracted.) Anyway, tonight i was not prepared in any way, shape or form for what Joel at Breakaway Performance put us through. Tonight was exceptionally strenuous, mentally and physically challenging. I really felt like I was on the verge of not being able to continue. I think Joel noticed too because he had to give me a pep talk about 1/2 way through. I'm not proud.

Anyway, the training is going alright. Not perfect by a long shot. It amazes me that some of my peers, like Robin, have so much energy and passion to work so hard every single day. For some reason, I struggle to motivate when I'm not surrounded by my peers at the club or doing some group activity. I get really wrapped up either in work or get easily distracted to participate in other activities. I'm not really sure if that goes away, or if I'll start to grow into the sport and become more mature and responsible about how i use my time.

Tonight kicked my ass. And when I endure that kind of mental and physical challenge, the thoughts that race through my head are - "Why was I not more prepared for this? Why didn't i make wiser food choices prior to this workout? Why haven't I been pushing myself harder so this would be less difficult?"

Like I told Joel yesterday, the most difficult part of training for me has been the mental component. I've also learned that I'm very much externally inspired and motivated, but my intrinsic and internal motivation is inconsistent. I know feeling guilty about that serves no purpose, but i feel like i'm waiting for a miracle to give me a little internal boost.