A new adventure....

Today I got an email from my friend, Heidi, in Spokane. She's going to start training for a triathlon! How exciting!  Heidi - if you're reading this, you've got all the support of all the many many people who read my blog!  (um.....  )

Anyway, and just to give an update on this front, I've taken a break from triathlon training... I think I got a little burnt out after the 2nd event in May of this year... and then I got pregnant!  So my workouts have taken a turn to lots of yoga and lower impact exercise.  I actually haven't even been outside on my bike since Wildflower, sadly!  But I've got a growing baby...  Just another of life's adventures!

Pure Inspiration

This blog is not about the pure inspiration to train harder, compete, or even having anything to do with the triathlon. It's about trusting your gut and listening to your body.

As you can see, I haven't written on this blog in a couple months. But tonight I received an awesome comment from an anonymous reader. Because it's anonymous, I've copied it below:

_______________________________
ANONYMOUS COMMENT:
"So I stumbled across your blog entry on obsessed triathletes. I totally agree on how it takes the balance away from life. I'm struggling now on training and family. I get that overwhelming guilt when missing a practice or sleeping in. I find that I have to defend myself when it comes to my training partners. I get the eye roll when I decide to do a sprint instead of an olympic distance. Who am I doing this for anyway, me or the other triathletes. Enough said, I'm glad I'm not the only one out there that feels as you do in your blog. Stay strong!"
_______________________________

Life works in amazing ways. Tonight I chose to NOT do a triathlon that I'm registered in September, Sentinel in Santa Cruz. I also chose NOT to participate in the swim leg of a relay in a couple weeks. My heart is just not in it right now. I've competed, I did a couple triathlons, and I know - it takes a tremendous amount of heart, sweat, determination, focus, and commitment. The exercise is actually the easy part.

Anyway, to whoever wrote that comment.... you made my evening.

Back to "pure inspiration," it's about listening to your gut and your body. Right now, I don't want to compete. And when I told my coach (a different one than before), he was so supportive. While I know he'd love to train me to compete, there's no guilt trip, disappointment, anything like that. Plus he noted tonight that I look happier than he's ever seen me.

So, this doesn't mean no more exercise... I've actually enjoyed my long runs and swims more in the recent weeks than I ever did when I was training. For now, I think I'll just focus on getting in a good workout every day - a workout that I WANT to do...  and just be ok with not training for a triathlon.

Thank you to the anonymous comment and thank you to my coach, Jeff.

3 Weeks AFTER Wildflower

Ideally, I would have given this detailed update on my experience at Wildflower, but the day I got home, I got food poisoning. I was out for most of the week pooping and puking (at the same time!)... and needless to say, I had very little energy or desire to do anything except sleep.

But Wildflower was awesome! I totally kicked ass. I had expected to come in in 4 hours, but my total time ended up being 3:29. I was stoked! Here are my stats:

1 mile swim: 31 minutes
26 mile bike: 1 hour 42 min
6.2 mile run: 1 hour 6 min

So for my first Olympic distance, I crushed it. My husband, mom and sister were there, I had plenty of time in the morning to get mentally prepared and listen to my favorite Rocky theme song, and to just get into the zone. And it apparently worked.

As for what's on the horizon.... I'm not really sure. I have only worked out about 1x/week since Wildflower. I'm not sure what that's about, other than the fact that I've just been enjoying spending more time with Kevin, having more time to catch up with things at home, spending more time making videos, and just taking a break.

But it's now May 23rd (i think), and I'm starting to feel a little guilty (and puffy), so i think it's probably time to pick another couple events to train for... or knowing myself, I'll quickly turn into a sedate loaf.

I'm considering doing the San Francisco 1/2 Marathon on August 3rd, the Pacific Grove Olympic or Sprint Triathlon on Sept 13th, and the Santa Cruz Sentinel Olympic Triathlon on Sept 21st. We'll see... I think I'll decide this this weekend what I plan to commit to.

On another note, Kevin and I are "opening our minds" to the thought of having kids... more to come on that.... AND I think we're making an offer on our first home together - today. It's a beautiful home tucked in the woods of Mill Valley. So stay tuned on that front....

Thank you to everyone for all of your support in my triathlon experience! I truly appreciated everyone's best wishes for me - I felt every single good thought you've shared!

On my way to Lake San Antonio!!!

Kevin and I are on our way to the triathlon!! We leave in about 5 minutes to pick up my bike and then head down south. My race is on Sunday and I start at 10:30am.... so for those of you who've been following me on this adventure, please send good vibes and lots of energy on or around Sunday at 10:30am PT... (and if you can just keep sending those vibes for about 3-5 hours, that would be Grrrrrreat!)

Stay tuned for a new triathlon video from me... AFTER Wildflower!

Seeley

Six Days to go.....

Wildflower is in only 6 days.  I started really freaking out on Saturday, prior to my 1 mile swim in Acquatic Park, which went surprisingly well.  I actually felt like a seal gliding through the water. The cold didn't sting like the first time.  And it felt freeing to be out in the bay... probably because i had so little control.

The last couple weeks have been difficult.... not because of the training, but because of my increased work load, conferences, and just trying to keep up with balancing everything that is involved in being a HUMAN BEING.  

My coach is abnormally invested in my success for this event... as much as my dad was invested in making sure i didn't get fat when i was a teenager. While I'm so grateful to have such a dedicated trainer, it's also shocking to have someone so in my shit! I just have to remember that come Sunday, I'll have put in my 100% best given that this is my first time around at this intense of an event.  (writing this helps me convince myself...)  

What's done is done....i've got a few workouts left for the week and a sports massage tomorrow night and all i can do is drink my body weight in water, sleep sleep sleep, breathe and trust that i'll make it through this.

I've had a couple friends and family already reach out to me and send me good vibes...

• Katie Davis, a friend of mine at Sun
• My mom and sister, Cristina - both of whom were afraid a shark might attack me. (My race is in a lake.).
• Alix, my other sister - who wants me to come over for a "carbo-load" this week... sounds good to me! I never pass up a good, heavy meal of carbs!
• Rebecca Baker, the first trainer I had in 2007 that helped me get back into exercising again. It was her very steady and consistent approach that helped me find my mojo.  Slow and steady always wins.... and never ever EVER giving up.
• My dad who calls about once a month and lets me brag about all my little achievements with this challenge.
• and of course, my poor husband, who has endured every single day of me waking up at wee hours of the morning to workout, listened to my groans as I howl to stand up, sit down, walk, etc... , watched my constant battle with sugar (and seen me repeatedly lose), listened to my endless talk about the upcoming event, my competitive nature, my are-you-out-of-your-effing-mind thoughts, all my experiences in training - the highs, lows, etc... (thank God for my husband.)

Anyway, Wildflower is 6 days away....   any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated.

Seeley

T Minus 22 Days

A chilly and windy morning here in San Francisco. Last week was pretty good with regards to training. While i only got in 2 rides, 1 swim and 1 strength session on Monday through Friday, I did a triple brick workout on Saturday and a 40 mile bike ride on Sunday. Saturday was INTENSE. We swam (for my first time) at Acquatic Park in the San Francisco bay. I had a wet suit on (which is still crumbled up on my floor), but the shocker was the ice cold sensation on my face. I had to run in and and out 4 times before i was even slightly comfortable with the new sensation of pain that i was feeling. And "comfortable" is not even the right word to use.... i just can't think of a better word right now.

We followed the swim with an ascending/descending clinic and drills around Baker Beach and the Presidio. Not a big deal - but i still am uncomfortable getting into my drops. And when I start picking up speed and the bike starts to shake a little (as if i'm about to fly off the road), i get nervous.

Lastly, we did an hour run from Sports Basement in the Presidio to the steps at Baker Beach. That wouldn't have been that bad except for the fact that I hadn't eaten or really drank much in about 4 hours, and even worse - it was about 85 degrees. I really struggle in heat.

On Sunday, Mike Wilson and I head up to Lucas Valley Road at Lassen to meet Joel and Keith for a 65 mile ride. However, (thankfully), Mike and I showed up about 10 min late so the others took off without us.... which was fine by me! I had NO desire to 1) ride 65 miles in 90 degree heat, and 2) even ATTEMPT to keep pace with Joel and Keith. Just a little reminder... i've only been riding a road bike for 3 months now! I'm NEW! And before yesterday, I had never gone more than 25 miles, so I'd consider it a bit of an accomplishment.

I followed my weekend's activities with a nice 10 minute ice bath at home, and then off to the Nob Hill Spa with my sister and Sarah to celebrate my birthday with a massage and dinner after. It was awesome! Lots of good laughs, as usual.

22 days until Wildflower. I can't believe it. For these next 3 weeks, hydration and good nutrition will be critical, as will getting in my swimming and running workouts. And I'm already looking forward to Post-Wildflower.

To keep running...

Today was different. For the first time, I just wanted to workout alone, and not with the usual gang.  I passed on the Saturday team run and instead drove over to the Presidio to run some of the trails I used to run on.  It was actually really nice.  The weather was perfect, there are so many newly groomed trails, and i was able to get much more hill work in than I normally do on Saturday's down at Crissy Field.  

I plan on doing another trail run tomorrow too but most likely in Marin.  I think I prefer trail running to street running, not only because it's so gorgeous, but because it requires much more concentration on where I step... which seems to help take my mind off the fact that I'm actually running.  And before you know it, 45 minutes has gone by.

So my insight for the last 24 hours..... I picked up a book last night - one of those inspirational women books where people like Ann Curry, Maya Angelou, and some others who I don't recall wrote letters to themselves in their younger years. I just skimmed through it, but there was a common theme - they all wrote about how they wished they weren't such perfectionists with themselves, that they wished they weren't so judgmental to themselves, and that they wished they had listened more to their real passions.... All that resonated with me for SURE.  But it was actually interesting because as i was on my run alone this morning, it made me think, what would I write to myself? If I could speak to me at 25, of all the things I did and didn't do, the #1 thing that came to mind that I would have told myself to do:  Run everyday. If it wasn't every day, that'd be ok, but run.  To not every give up working out and physically pushing myself.  And to realize that the sweat and challenge is what helps me tap into my greatest strengths.  Ironically, the challenge to make myself stay consistent with exercise has always been one of my biggest challenges. If it were easy, I'm sure the populations obesity rates would not be nearly as high.  

Anyway, that thought helped me keep running today. Because in the big picture, I can keep putting one foot in front of the other... The big picture being that I turn 35 this week.  Looking back, it would have been easy to make and keep exercise as a core part of my life for the last 10-15 years.  I bet I would have been different - have made different decisions in my life.

A little internal boost

Aside from my attempt to do this upcoming triathlon, I have a pretty sedate lifestyle. I'm in front of my computer about 10 hours a day... (and i wish i could say it was all because of my job! - i just get easily distracted.) Anyway, tonight i was not prepared in any way, shape or form for what Joel at Breakaway Performance put us through. Tonight was exceptionally strenuous, mentally and physically challenging. I really felt like I was on the verge of not being able to continue. I think Joel noticed too because he had to give me a pep talk about 1/2 way through. I'm not proud.

Anyway, the training is going alright. Not perfect by a long shot. It amazes me that some of my peers, like Robin, have so much energy and passion to work so hard every single day. For some reason, I struggle to motivate when I'm not surrounded by my peers at the club or doing some group activity. I get really wrapped up either in work or get easily distracted to participate in other activities. I'm not really sure if that goes away, or if I'll start to grow into the sport and become more mature and responsible about how i use my time.

Tonight kicked my ass. And when I endure that kind of mental and physical challenge, the thoughts that race through my head are - "Why was I not more prepared for this? Why didn't i make wiser food choices prior to this workout? Why haven't I been pushing myself harder so this would be less difficult?"

Like I told Joel yesterday, the most difficult part of training for me has been the mental component. I've also learned that I'm very much externally inspired and motivated, but my intrinsic and internal motivation is inconsistent. I know feeling guilty about that serves no purpose, but i feel like i'm waiting for a miracle to give me a little internal boost.

33 Days to Wildflower

... and ticking.

My training hasn't been 100% perfect... and in fact I've missed a few workouts from my last couple weeks. But I'm averaging 6 days/week, so for me, that's incredible! And while I'm not following things to a "t," I feel strong... but a little puffy. Probably since I haven't cut out the sugar and alcohol all together yet. I really think if i did that, i'd probably feel at least a 10-15% increase in my quality of performance.

So i'm going to. starting today. I woke up this morning thinking about it... (the thought of removing sugar is worse than getting work done on my teeth!) Anyway, at 4:34 am as i woke up, i realized, there's probably never going to be a time where i'm intrinsically motivated to stop having my favorite cookies, brownie bites or Ben & Jerry's ice cream! So i think it's just one of those things i just have to accept - yes, it's hard, and press on!

Another thing... New Balance has a new campaign that I saw on a commercial last night. It's very good... has a man running and talks about how we have to recommit to ourselves every day to keep our relationship to exercise going. I think that is so true. I think I thought that one day I'd just have exercise deeply be a part of my life, but I swear, nearly every day it is a struggle to commit. It's funny - even last night around 4:45 as I was getting ready to leave for my computrainer class, that little voice inside was screaming to "stay home, work on final cut pro, clean up the office, write those outstanding wedding thank you cards, etc..." But once i walked into Breakaway (where I workout), and saw Joel, Robin and a few others, there's no other place I wanted to be. And while the class is always a challenge, it felt kind of good last night. And I felt strong! (Even made it to 599 watts in our speed drills!) So I did a 90 min workout, burned 700 calories, and got to hang with my friends.... plus i get all amped on endorphins after i workout... so it wasn't so bad!

I just wish i didn't have to go through that "recommit" stage every day so intensely. Where do those "i don't want to workout" thoughts even come from??? If you saw me during or after a workout, you'd never know i was the same person who was questioning my desire and willingness to workout.

Anyway, 33 days to Wildflower. It's a critical time. According to the books and my coaches, I've probably built as much base as I'll be able to build. I think i just have to be consistent with my workouts, pay real attention to what foods/beverages I consume, and start doing some mental training to prepare for May 4th. More updates to come....

Quitting

Yesterday we celebrated Easter with my husband's family. It was nice... actually before that I went on this killer 25 mile ride of the Alcatraz race course with some of my Breakaway Performance team. That was pretty spectacular - riding along the coast - up through the Presidio, down Baker Beach, through SeaCliff, by Robin Williams' home, Legion of Honor, Ocean Beach, up through Golden Gate park and back to North Beach the same way we came.... the hills were hard, but good.

Anyway, people are asking me about the upcoming Wildflower event... how's training going, is it hard, etc... And a couple people have even said - "Well if you don't like the race (while you're doing it), you can always just quit!".... WHAT? Are you kidding? No I can't!

I've been steadily training since October '07 and committed to Wildflower in January. Quitting this race is not an option, unless I'm bleeding out all orifices or something tragic has happened... knock on wood. It's just not an option. Never. I'm always surprised though when i hear people say it's an option. While I know it probably has more to do with them than me, I can't help but wonder "Do YOU think I'm GOING to quit? Do you think I secretly WANT to quit? Do you think i'm just looking for a QUIET WAY OUT of this? " As if being granted the option to quit makes it all ok. Maybe I'm taking it too personally. (I am.) Quitting is not an option.

That would take away all the fun (like making jokes about peeing in the Bay Club pool), the process (keeping a detailed log of all my workouts, cookies and wine consumption), the hard times (having the sensation of Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness wake me up in the middle of the night), the sense of accomplishment (knowing I climbed to the top of the Marin Headlands on my bike when most of the Bay Area was peacefully asleep), the challenge (my first Sprint Triathlon...).

Quitting is DEFINITELY not an option for this triathlon newbie.

What the Trainer Said....

Today was a brick team workout with my coach, Joel Ramirez. He's been gone for a few weeks... off getting married to one of the coolest women I've recently met. Anyway, I've been sans "Joel" workouts for about 3+ weeks and I think he was nervous to find that maybe our base wasn't as strong as it really was. We swam for an hour and then did a special strength and running class for 75 minutes focusing on intensity and speed. Even though my total weekly hours have been low for the last 3 weeks (approx 8 hours total), I think I surprised him today. I did the 100M swim in 1:17 and the 500M in 8:42. He didn't freak out that that was bad, so I think it's "ok!" And I felt pretty good on our quick run too.

But most importantly, Joel pulled me aside and told me that though I'm new to this sport, next year he's going to really push me... that he thinks my competitive nature sets me apart and will help me do very well in the multisport events. I LIKE IT! Of course, my first response was "Will I win!???" Maybe not in California, but somewhere!

All that said, Kevin and I really want to try to have kids this year. My coach is begging that I hold off until after the "Season"... which is December 1st. But I'm starting to get that itch! I want kids! And I would love to be one of those bad ass mom's that works out throughout my pregnancy and is running a stroller, swimming and doing everything possible to stay active and immerse our child into that lifestyle as well. That's the challenge!

So we'll see - if all stars align, Kevin and I will be blessed with a little Finnster - AND I'll be able to still kick ass in the triathlon. It's been done before by many strong women. I think I can pull it off as well.

Typical "Obsessed" Triathlete.....

I am Not.  

I kind of wish I was - or at least that I had a little more juice in me, but I tried, and it didn't really work for me.  

About 5 weeks ago, I had 2 really hard core weeks where I did 12 workouts each week.  And it was hard! Not just physically, but logistically! How on earth are you supposed to get in time to work? And what about my poor husband!? That 12 workout week lasted until my first sprint triathlon.  Something strange happened to me... i think i realized just how hard this event is, but I think it also took a little of the mystery away for me.  I feel slightly less freaked out and anxious about it now than I did in those couple of "manic" weeks of mine.  However, I've also lost that "must-workout-at-all-costs" attitude.  And I like it. I really like having BALANCE to my life. And I don't want to eat, sleep, and drink the triathlon. I want to hang out with Kevin, snuggle up on the couch some nights watching American Idol, go out to dinner and meet up with friends, and sleep in every once in a while!    

So i guess I'm a little conflicted.  While my time in training has been short, I do feel like there's a hard core, manic, obsessive aspect to triathlon training that doesn't really work for my life today.  My whole motivation for training anyway was to help me establish balance and order in my life. But if the pendulum swings from 100% work to 100% triathlon, then I think my efforts at balance have failed.

All that said, I took yesterday off and skipped our team ride this morning. But I'm kind of looking forward to a nice long run and swim, alone, in this beautiful San Francisco weather today. Lesson learned: My triathlon training and schedule has to be something that works for ME.  

I'd like to learn more about how people make training for a triathlon not monopolize their life. Is it possible to just put in 10 workouts a week and not suffer through an olympic distance triathlon??? Is it normal to feel guilty if you take a day off if it's not built into your scheduled training week? What about 2 days off?! This is quite a process - and has taken all aspects of my mind, body, and spirit over the recent months. Yet while it's been a challenge, it's also definitely been worth the ride.

My first sprint triathlon!

Click to Play

I've been meaning to post this for a while now.... My friend Robin van Vliet actually dragged my butt to the Stanford Treeathlon in late February - about 8 days after I learned how to ride a roadbike!  And she took me to do my first sprint triathlon in Redwood City. It was my first time in the freezing cold Bay waters, first time in a wet suit, and I totally choaked - not physically - but mentally. I lost all sense of what the hell I was doing.  it wasn't pretty.  

The video pretty much epitomizes my utter deer in head lights fear and exhaustion that I associated with that whole event.  It scared the shit out of me.

Enjoy.

I threw away the cookies.

So I think I had about 9 cookies on Monday, 6 cookies on Tuesday, and I definitely ate 4 cookies today... and it's only 10:58am.

I had to throw them away. It's my greatest weakness in my training. It's the sugar. I can't fight it... I mean, i suppose I can, but I just keep losing. Unless it's completely removed from my house, guaranteed, I will eat as close to my body weight in high-sugar content foods as is humanly possible.

After ditching the peanut butter cookies, I chose an orange. That was more filling anyway - and I don't want another one.... much unlike my experience with those damn cookies.

On a less gluttonous note, there's less than 7 weeks to Wildflower. While my biking is strong (considering my first outdoor ride on a roadbike was February of '08!), I'm actually still in the Base Training stage of both my running and swimming. Not ideal, but I'm doing the best I can to juggle work, my personal life, and also prepare for an olympic distance triathlon. Considering this is my first of this distance, I think i'm doing fair to alright. Plus our head coach, Joel Ramirez, is back from his honeymoon, so i'm sure he's gearing up to bust some skulls getting us ready for the big event.

THROW AWAY THE COOKIES!

I'd like to say I'm appreciating my new lifestyle with such a heavy exercise component to it, but I have to admit, I'm a victim to the cookie, the ice cream, the dark chocolate with slivers of orange peel, ... basically anything with sugar in it.  

While I'm training for Wildflower (which is only 7 weeks away!) I can't help but feel dragged down by my poor nutrition. Don't get me wrong... I have "good days"... and those basically mean that I eat 3 balanced meals a day (carb, fat, protein) and a couple snacks for pre & post workouts...  But for all the good days I have, I have probably 2-3 "bad days."  Just to be clear what a "bad day" really is:

Breakfast: apple, low fat greek yogurt, toast w/ almond butter & sugar free jam

Snack: 4 peanut butter cookies

Ran 4 1/2 miles

Lunch: salad with tons of fresh veggies, toast w/ mustard and turkey

Snack: 2 peanut cookies

Snack: piece of break with peanut butter

Swam 42 laps

Snack: 3 peanut butter cookies

Waiting for dinner.... a glass of Chardonnay

Hmmmmmmm.... what's up with the peanut butter!!!???

Anyway, when I was on my jog today through this gorgeous, amazing city that I get to live in, it occurred to me that maybe rather than write in my little Triathlon Training Diary that "I will NOT eat sugar," maybe instead I can take a NEW approach... something that actually isn't a total set up for failure!  

My new idea...... What about saying - "sure - i probably will still try to eat my body weight in cookies - even though I'm putting my body through such strenous training. BUT, what if I commit to creating videos (which i love to do) about things like the affects of sugar on training for a triathlon, the affects of good/bad nutrition on sports performance, etc... I can do that!  So with that said - I will commit to creating at least 1 informative video between now and Wildflower based on the numerous books and reference material I read everyday.  (One would think I'd GET IT after all that I've read.) But I really think that sugar is up there with meth, crack, ice, boom, pow..... 

So, look out.... i'm gonna start educating. (but don't hold your breath....  it may take a while to pull this thing together.)

"Do or do not... there is no try." Yoda

I actually started this blog about a week ago, but as with most of my blog attempts, after creating it, a sense of writer's paralysis took over my mind... hence the week delay.  As my overview says, I'm a newbie to the world of multi-sport events and in May 2008, Wildflower will be my first triathlon.  Why am I doing this?

• Because I can.
  
• Because while I say I know i can -- that I'm capable, I also know I won't really KNOW I CAN until I DO.
  
• Because when I see all those challenged athletes out there kicking ass in these events, it makes me think - "what the hell am I doing with myself???"  

I'm training with the Breakaway Performance team in San Francisco, and while it's awesome to have a group to workout with, I'm definitely the "new girl on the block" in every way.  For one, most of these people have been competing in multi-sport events for many many years.  And while I really appreciate everyone's insights, coaching and and experience, it can sometimes be very humbling.  Like this morning.... we did an hour + course on the computrainers. Out of 5 people, I was by far the slowest.  I swear that as much as Joel, my coach, told me to pick up the pace and wattage, there was this very angry voice in my head saying "What in the hell are you thinking??? Why are you even here - on this bike - in the morning??!! Ever!??? Why are you letting yourself feel discomfort when you can be soundly tucked in bed catching zzzzzzs????"  (I assume that's normal?)  

The training process of a triathlon is very interesting to me. Prior to taking on this adventure, and for most of my adult life, I've felt like I've always had too many things going on - too many phone calls to return, letters to write (wedding thank yous - STILL), work to be done, parts of the house to clean, people to call back, email, etc...  And then, in January, I decided to add a triathlon to the mix.  But all those "things" and "to dos" never went away - in fact, some of them are just growing wings by the second.... 

As we started our ride this morning, one of our more seasoned riders, Robert, brought up (out of nowhere) - the concept of "less is more" with respect to the triathlon training process. Apparently there's some famous saying that our coach, Joel, used to often say on this, (but he can't remember). Either way, something about the concept of less being more is resonating with me through this process.  Training for a triathlon requires a great amount of organization, attention to detail with everything related to your body - what and when you eat, drink, sleep; what you choose to give energy too, i.e. work, relationships, sometimes bad relationships, bills, the IRS, whatever.... And it just leaves me wondering what things I should consider eliminating from my life in order to make things a little bit less stressful and cluttered. Just something to think about for now.... after all, i only have so much energy - and those bike rides, swims and runs are kicking my ass.

10 weeks to go.